Love is like a dove,
As it soars up above.
Malicious hunters on the ground
Can shoot the little birdie down.
Love is like a rose,
Developing beauty as it grows.
But out in the open, the rose lies
Where it is plucked, withers and dies.
Love is like honey and milk,
Made of texture smoth as silk.
But as rapid as drying ink blots,
It curdles and churns, sickeningly rots.
Love is like a smile,
The cheery glow is worth the while,
But when it fades,
Upon razor blades,
It disappears
Into our darkest fears.
Love is like the mind.
Everchanging, unstable,
Unsure, and unreliable.
Never trust the dove,
For there will always lie a hunter,
Watching with prying eyes.
Waiting for the grave where lovers lie.
Monday 22 March 2010
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Teachers
Out of the numerous things I loathe in this world, one of the top factors is definitely teachers.
What exactly do I despise about them? Well, what is there to like, in the least? Sure they may seem like caring, compassionate friends, but what about when they turn around and turn you in for the smallest thing? Would you still adore them then.
My school is a perfect example of why I hate teachers. Shall I list a few reasons?
1) They demand respect, but never earn it.
2) They abuse their 'authority' and seem to think that just because they have more wrinkles than us, they're automatically 'Godly'.
3) They claim that we can trust them, and then go around spreading lies and rumors about you. (Ever thought that your buddy blabbed on you? Not exactly)
4) If you're 'alternative' (e.g Goth, Emo, Punk, etc.) you are automatically scum in their eyes.
5) They may say that they're unbiased and open-minded. Try reminding them of that when they're trying to shove a Bible down your throat!
6) They're NEVER above blackmail.
7) If someone's saying stuff about you, they won't ask for your story. Next minute, BAM! Suspension.
There are countless other reasons, but these are some of the main ones. Face it, they're old and stuck in their own ways, unable to modernize their daily routine, and fit in with ever-changing society. Those that act 'hip' and 'cool' are perhaps the worst liars out there, because you would never in a million years suspect them of being a backstabbing betrayer.
Darling, you better start believing, or else you're school days are going to be one big mess of betrayal, deceit and fakes. Then again, isn't that what High School is all about?
Long live the Liars.
What exactly do I despise about them? Well, what is there to like, in the least? Sure they may seem like caring, compassionate friends, but what about when they turn around and turn you in for the smallest thing? Would you still adore them then.
My school is a perfect example of why I hate teachers. Shall I list a few reasons?
1) They demand respect, but never earn it.
2) They abuse their 'authority' and seem to think that just because they have more wrinkles than us, they're automatically 'Godly'.
3) They claim that we can trust them, and then go around spreading lies and rumors about you. (Ever thought that your buddy blabbed on you? Not exactly)
4) If you're 'alternative' (e.g Goth, Emo, Punk, etc.) you are automatically scum in their eyes.
5) They may say that they're unbiased and open-minded. Try reminding them of that when they're trying to shove a Bible down your throat!
6) They're NEVER above blackmail.
7) If someone's saying stuff about you, they won't ask for your story. Next minute, BAM! Suspension.
There are countless other reasons, but these are some of the main ones. Face it, they're old and stuck in their own ways, unable to modernize their daily routine, and fit in with ever-changing society. Those that act 'hip' and 'cool' are perhaps the worst liars out there, because you would never in a million years suspect them of being a backstabbing betrayer.
Darling, you better start believing, or else you're school days are going to be one big mess of betrayal, deceit and fakes. Then again, isn't that what High School is all about?
Long live the Liars.
Monday 22 February 2010
Sad
It's so strange, how my mood consistently alters from one to another, without any interval, or any signs. Neutral, euphoric, dismal, aggravated, infuriated. Why can't I ever be stable? I desperately wish that my mood wouldn't alter every single second. For instance, I flipped out last week, and slammed my fist into a wall. Next moment, I'm crying like a miserable baby.
Luckily for me, I can hide it. Well, when I want to. Sometimes, emotions build up, until I can't hide it anymore, so I end up breaking down or taking it out on myself. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this (no, counsellors and psychiatrists do not help), but where I am at the moment, I'm on my own, so I have to take care of myself.
Call me Emo, or whatever you want, but I often find myself listening to all my old songs, and crying. I keep recalling the days when I was as close to a normal kid as you could get. I listen to the songs and remember the days when everything seemed right, and people actually liked me.
Now?
Look at me. I'm alone, because no one can take someone like me. In class, people kept looking at my scars and asking what they were from, listening with sick attention. I wanted to scrape my skin off, so they couldn't see any of the scars. It's upsetting, the way I'm treated like something in a Freak Show. Roll up, roll up to see the most scarred and disgusting teen in the world! It's sick and depressing.
I don't want to show my scars because I want to look tough. I want to be able to live without people staring at me wherever I go. I cry myself to sleep, knowing that tomorrow is the same. That people will just stare in horror and judge me. I just wish that my life would change for the better. But I know that won't ever happen.
I just wish things weren't like this.
X
Luckily for me, I can hide it. Well, when I want to. Sometimes, emotions build up, until I can't hide it anymore, so I end up breaking down or taking it out on myself. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this (no, counsellors and psychiatrists do not help), but where I am at the moment, I'm on my own, so I have to take care of myself.
Call me Emo, or whatever you want, but I often find myself listening to all my old songs, and crying. I keep recalling the days when I was as close to a normal kid as you could get. I listen to the songs and remember the days when everything seemed right, and people actually liked me.
Now?
Look at me. I'm alone, because no one can take someone like me. In class, people kept looking at my scars and asking what they were from, listening with sick attention. I wanted to scrape my skin off, so they couldn't see any of the scars. It's upsetting, the way I'm treated like something in a Freak Show. Roll up, roll up to see the most scarred and disgusting teen in the world! It's sick and depressing.
I don't want to show my scars because I want to look tough. I want to be able to live without people staring at me wherever I go. I cry myself to sleep, knowing that tomorrow is the same. That people will just stare in horror and judge me. I just wish that my life would change for the better. But I know that won't ever happen.
I just wish things weren't like this.
X
Monday 15 February 2010
Love
In the past, love in my experience has been an objective sufferance, in which I ended up being used and realizing it too late. I always ended these relationships, and ended up being damaged furthermore. for instance, in my previous relationship, my ex pressured me to be an emo, but I dressed however I liked. He was also taking it too far, too fast. When I broke up with him, he posted things online about me making him cut himself (which he didn't). I ended up in hospital, after getting drunk after seeing these endless posts, and then cutting myself.
After that, I never wanted to 'love' or get amorously involved with anyone. I was actually afraid of this emotion named 'love'. In the past, when looking through my diaries, I found myself leafing through endless pages of my previous, even more dysphoric self, vividly describing how I had fallen in love with three main people, and then hurting myself out of frustration and depression.
When my mother saw the recent cut, she had a breakdown, and I was about to commit suicide. Except, I had taken my medication half an hour before, and I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep and ignore this situation completely. It was so frustrating. I was taken to hospital to get stitches, and I was absolutely mortified, as I watched the operation take place. It was then that I swore never to get involved in a relationship that would end up hurting me.
However, a few days ago, I broke my vow.
I began falling for X, whom I met online. I am aware of the dangers of strangers online, but I know him to genuinely exist. We started chatting, and I realized a few days ago that I was developing feelings for him, and I was utterly shocked at myself. Firstly, I had made that vow, which I had managed to break within several messages. Secondly, I thought him to be such an incredible person, that he could do much better than me.
Well, today, my trepidation was diminished when he declared that he had 'feelings' for me too. Upon reading this, I cried. I wept tears of sheer euphoria, never had I felt so alive. Despite the fact that a torrential rain storm was faring outside, beating upon the frail window panes, and a bolt of lightning had blown up the stabilizer, ridding the house of all electricity, light was practically emanating from my heart.
In my dictionary, love is not a roller coaster. It is a steady, gradual feeling that is reciprocated by your other. It is a force stronger than all the element on earth combined into a single entity.
I do not believe in gooey love, and I do not love him, but what I feel for him is far more than a mere 'crush'. Perhaps not as powerful as love, but as the days, and these feelings, carry on, who knows how this will develop?
All know is that I hope for this to go well, and even if it does not, I always hope that we will remain good friends.
<3
After that, I never wanted to 'love' or get amorously involved with anyone. I was actually afraid of this emotion named 'love'. In the past, when looking through my diaries, I found myself leafing through endless pages of my previous, even more dysphoric self, vividly describing how I had fallen in love with three main people, and then hurting myself out of frustration and depression.
When my mother saw the recent cut, she had a breakdown, and I was about to commit suicide. Except, I had taken my medication half an hour before, and I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep and ignore this situation completely. It was so frustrating. I was taken to hospital to get stitches, and I was absolutely mortified, as I watched the operation take place. It was then that I swore never to get involved in a relationship that would end up hurting me.
However, a few days ago, I broke my vow.
I began falling for X, whom I met online. I am aware of the dangers of strangers online, but I know him to genuinely exist. We started chatting, and I realized a few days ago that I was developing feelings for him, and I was utterly shocked at myself. Firstly, I had made that vow, which I had managed to break within several messages. Secondly, I thought him to be such an incredible person, that he could do much better than me.
Well, today, my trepidation was diminished when he declared that he had 'feelings' for me too. Upon reading this, I cried. I wept tears of sheer euphoria, never had I felt so alive. Despite the fact that a torrential rain storm was faring outside, beating upon the frail window panes, and a bolt of lightning had blown up the stabilizer, ridding the house of all electricity, light was practically emanating from my heart.
In my dictionary, love is not a roller coaster. It is a steady, gradual feeling that is reciprocated by your other. It is a force stronger than all the element on earth combined into a single entity.
I do not believe in gooey love, and I do not love him, but what I feel for him is far more than a mere 'crush'. Perhaps not as powerful as love, but as the days, and these feelings, carry on, who knows how this will develop?
All know is that I hope for this to go well, and even if it does not, I always hope that we will remain good friends.
<3
Thursday 4 February 2010
Hurt
Can you see through the fog?
Through the dim light, shining through the haze.
Approach the sinister fences
And venture into the maze.
Twisting paths, left and right.
Dead ends and traps beneath our sight.
If you reach the center,
I'll give you the truth.
Open your eyes.
Perhaps you'll see me by the gravestone
Of my dreams and passions,
Laid to rest, left to die.
Where I lie.
Crimson tears trickling down the stone marker.
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear how I
Hurt?
If you stand and watch where I can't see you
You will see the darkness beneath my liar's mask.
What would you do?
If confrontation hit you hard?
Grab my wrists and throw the shard,
Or just turn and run,
Because decisions are too hard.
Look at me.
Perhaps you'll see me by the gravestone
Of my dreams and passions,
Laid to rest, left to die.
Where I lie.
Crimson tears trickling down the stone marker.
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear how I
Hurt?
I look up
I see your eyes.
I see your shock
Watch my demise.
Watch me fall,
And lose it all.
Watch me crumple
Within these walls.
Don't let go,
I'm losing grip.
My fingers crumble,
And I slip.
I'm falling.
Perhaps you'll see me by the gravestone
Of my dreams and passions,
Laid to rest, left to die.
Where I lie.
Crimson tears trickling down the stone marker.
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear how I
Hurt?
I'm gone.
Through the dim light, shining through the haze.
Approach the sinister fences
And venture into the maze.
Twisting paths, left and right.
Dead ends and traps beneath our sight.
If you reach the center,
I'll give you the truth.
Open your eyes.
Perhaps you'll see me by the gravestone
Of my dreams and passions,
Laid to rest, left to die.
Where I lie.
Crimson tears trickling down the stone marker.
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear how I
Hurt?
If you stand and watch where I can't see you
You will see the darkness beneath my liar's mask.
What would you do?
If confrontation hit you hard?
Grab my wrists and throw the shard,
Or just turn and run,
Because decisions are too hard.
Look at me.
Perhaps you'll see me by the gravestone
Of my dreams and passions,
Laid to rest, left to die.
Where I lie.
Crimson tears trickling down the stone marker.
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear how I
Hurt?
I look up
I see your eyes.
I see your shock
Watch my demise.
Watch me fall,
And lose it all.
Watch me crumple
Within these walls.
Don't let go,
I'm losing grip.
My fingers crumble,
And I slip.
I'm falling.
Perhaps you'll see me by the gravestone
Of my dreams and passions,
Laid to rest, left to die.
Where I lie.
Crimson tears trickling down the stone marker.
Can you hear me cry?
Can you hear how I
Hurt?
I'm gone.
A post to my dearest friend, Emma
Have you ever trusted someone with practically everything in your life, only to watch them stab you in the back for the chance of popularity and creating scandal about you?
It's just happened to me.
She was a friend of mine, someone whom I trusted with some of my darker secrets, someone I confided in. I used to consider her as my best friend in the world, practically a sister to me.
Well, what I didn't realize out of blindness was that I was nothing more than a source of information and gossip. She used what I told her, and told everyone else.
In fact, I was suspended last year, because I was a cutter. I am 100% sure that it was her who told the principal. I definitely know that it was her, with her self-rightiousness and opiniated ways, who shattered my life.
Oh believe me, there are countless other people who have contributed to the way I am now, but she's one of the major factors that hurt me enough to let the razor bite my skin to try bleed away the sense of betrayal.
I never loved her more than a friend, but now I hate her more than I hate myself. I hate her more than all those aggravating things in my life, because she was the little spark of hope in the abyss of oblivion that is loosely called my life.
I want to inflict pain upon her, like the pain I caused to myself because of her. I want her to feel how I felt, every time I watched her ditch me every single day of my life.
Emma, I want you to hurt.
Hurt like me.
I will make you hurt.
It's just happened to me.
She was a friend of mine, someone whom I trusted with some of my darker secrets, someone I confided in. I used to consider her as my best friend in the world, practically a sister to me.
Well, what I didn't realize out of blindness was that I was nothing more than a source of information and gossip. She used what I told her, and told everyone else.
In fact, I was suspended last year, because I was a cutter. I am 100% sure that it was her who told the principal. I definitely know that it was her, with her self-rightiousness and opiniated ways, who shattered my life.
Oh believe me, there are countless other people who have contributed to the way I am now, but she's one of the major factors that hurt me enough to let the razor bite my skin to try bleed away the sense of betrayal.
I never loved her more than a friend, but now I hate her more than I hate myself. I hate her more than all those aggravating things in my life, because she was the little spark of hope in the abyss of oblivion that is loosely called my life.
I want to inflict pain upon her, like the pain I caused to myself because of her. I want her to feel how I felt, every time I watched her ditch me every single day of my life.
Emma, I want you to hurt.
Hurt like me.
I will make you hurt.
Sunday 31 January 2010
Discordant Symphony
The discordant symphony
Conducted by nimble fingers.
Pallid skin, a flash of red,
Slay the loneliness that lingers.
I hear your tragic bird song,
It’s burning through my ears.
Filling every crevasse of my mind,
It’s the only sound I hear.
Time is blending,
My heart needs mending.
Falling apart at every seam.
Is this reality, or is it a dream?
Though the discordant symphony plays on,
How can I possibly go on?
A jarring sonata,
Of blissful screams.
This livid vision
Is not what it seems.
Conduct this fearful orchestra
With a wave of your disembodied hand.
Direct the resonating madness
With a single utterance.
Time is blending,
My heart needs mending.
Falling apart at every seam.
Is this reality, or is it a dream?
Though the discordant symphony plays on,
How can I possibly go on?
A burning melody,
A restless lullaby,
A joyful shriek,
A kiss goodbye.
A burning melody,
A restless lullaby,
A joyful shriek,
A kiss goodbye.
Let me hear your sweet demise.
Conducted by nimble fingers.
Pallid skin, a flash of red,
Slay the loneliness that lingers.
I hear your tragic bird song,
It’s burning through my ears.
Filling every crevasse of my mind,
It’s the only sound I hear.
Time is blending,
My heart needs mending.
Falling apart at every seam.
Is this reality, or is it a dream?
Though the discordant symphony plays on,
How can I possibly go on?
A jarring sonata,
Of blissful screams.
This livid vision
Is not what it seems.
Conduct this fearful orchestra
With a wave of your disembodied hand.
Direct the resonating madness
With a single utterance.
Time is blending,
My heart needs mending.
Falling apart at every seam.
Is this reality, or is it a dream?
Though the discordant symphony plays on,
How can I possibly go on?
A burning melody,
A restless lullaby,
A joyful shriek,
A kiss goodbye.
A burning melody,
A restless lullaby,
A joyful shriek,
A kiss goodbye.
Let me hear your sweet demise.
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