Sad

It's so strange, how my mood consistently alters from one to another, without any interval, or any signs. Neutral, euphoric, dismal, aggravated, infuriated. Why can't I ever be stable? I desperately wish that my mood wouldn't alter every single second. For instance, I flipped out last week, and slammed my fist into a wall. Next moment, I'm crying like a miserable baby.

Luckily for me, I can hide it. Well, when I want to. Sometimes, emotions build up, until I can't hide it anymore, so I end up breaking down or taking it out on myself. I wish there was someone I could talk to about this (no, counsellors and psychiatrists do not help), but where I am at the moment, I'm on my own, so I have to take care of myself.

Call me Emo, or whatever you want, but I often find myself listening to all my old songs, and crying. I keep recalling the days when I was as close to a normal kid as you could get. I listen to the songs and remember the days when everything seemed right, and people actually liked me.

Now?

Look at me. I'm alone, because no one can take someone like me. In class, people kept looking at my scars and asking what they were from, listening with sick attention. I wanted to scrape my skin off, so they couldn't see any of the scars. It's upsetting, the way I'm treated like something in a Freak Show. Roll up, roll up to see the most scarred and disgusting teen in the world! It's sick and depressing.

I don't want to show my scars because I want to look tough. I want to be able to live without people staring at me wherever I go. I cry myself to sleep, knowing that tomorrow is the same. That people will just stare in horror and judge me. I just wish that my life would change for the better. But I know that won't ever happen.

I just wish things weren't like this.

X